If I wasn’t here, what happens to the kids?

Most parents spend a lot of time thinking ahead – right now, you’re probably juggling booking clubs for the summer, planning childcare, saving for school trips, while also wondering what your kids might need next year or five years from now. But there is one question that almost all of us – understandably – avoid: if you were not here, who would step into your shoes?

For many, the answer seems obvious, perhaps a grandparent, a sibling, or a close friend. But when you stop and picture your children’s lives in real terms, that decision may be much more complex. If your children are very young now, who would you want raising them through their teenage years? Who would help with school choices, friendship fallouts, first jobs, sports clubs, university applications, or the deposit for a first flat? Thinking about those everyday moments is crucial to work out what matters most to you.

What if one parent dies?

In most families the surviving parent simply carries on caring for the children. Day-to-day life may be turned upside down emotionally, but there is usually still a parent there to make the big and small decisions – school, health, routines, and everything in between.

And if neither parent is available?

Although it feels unthinkable, there is a possibility that both parents may no longer be around while the children are still young. That is where having a Will can make an enormous difference – it can never remove the sadness from the situation, but it will provide a clearer picture of who you would want to support your children through it.

Where a guardian has been appointed

If you name a guardian in your Will, you are choosing the person you trust to take over the role you play as a parent. That means so much more than providing a home. It involves deciding where your children live, how they are supported at school, what boundaries they grow up with, and how they’re helped through the ordinary but important stages of childhood and adolescence.

That can include decisions like:

• Where your children live and what day-to-day family life looks like
• Schooling, routines, activities, and the kind of support they need as they grow
• Healthcare and wider wellbeing
• The countless judgement calls parents make all the time—whether that is saying yes to sports camp, helping with schoolwork, or deciding what support is right at a particular stage of life

So, you must consider so much more than just existing dynamics when you decide who the right guardian for your child will be.

Where no guardian has been appointed

If no guardian has been named, things can quickly become much less clear. Different family members may have very different views about what is best. One person may assume the children would come to them. Another may feel equally strongly. At a time when everyone is grieving, that uncertainty can create real strain and leave important decisions unresolved.

For children, that can mean upheaval at the very moment they most need stability. Putting your wishes in place in advance can help avoid that uncertainty and make it easier for the people around your children to step forward with confidence.

What does a guardian and trustee do?

A guardian is, in effect, the person stepping into your place as a parent in relation to the welfare decision. Many parents also leave a letter of wishes alongside their Will – not instructions to be set in stone, but a way of sharing the things that matter to them most: the values they hope their children will grow up with, the routines that matter, family relationships they want to preserve, and the sort of opportunities they would want their children to have.

One of the most important things to think about is whether the person raising your children should also be the person managing their finances. The trustee you appoint separately in your Will that would manage the money and make the decisions on when and how the funds are spent.

Should your guardian and trustee be the same person? Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes it isn’t. Someone may be wonderful with children – warm, patient, sensible, emotionally steady – but not especially confident with financial decisions. Equally, someone might be excellent with money but not the person you would choose to handle the day-to-day realities of family life.

There is no single right answer. Some parents like the simplicity of the same person doing both jobs. Others prefer a balance, where one person focuses on the children’s upbringing and another keeps an eye on the finances. That can work very well, but it is worth thinking about personalities and relationships. If the guardian wants to pay for a school trip, sports camp, or help with a first flat deposit, and the trustee is more cautious, could that create tension? The best arrangements are usually the ones where the people involved trust each other, communicate well, and understand the role you wanted each of them to play.

What happens to your children’s inheritance?

For most parents, the real question is not just when their children should inherit but how should the money be used. Children can have control of inheritance from age 16 or you can choose a different age, such as 18, 21 or 25 years in terms of the Will.

Trustees will also decide how that money would be used. Would you want the trustee to be able to pay for music lessons, school trips, tutoring, university costs, or help with the deposit for a first home while they still control the inheritance. A well-prepared Will can allow the trustee to manage that money and use it in ways that genuinely support your children as they grow up.

Why making a Will is so important

Making a Will is not only about money or legal paperwork; for parents, it is about answering a deeply personal question—who they would trust to stand in their place—and once considered in everyday terms such as school runs, birthday parties, teenage worries, financial decisions and future opportunities, the importance of planning ahead becomes clear.

Thinking carefully about who children feel safe with, who shares similar values and judgement, who will still be able to support them in years to come, and whether the same or different people should take on personal and financial responsibilities (and can work well together) helps bring clarity, while having those conversations now ensures there are no uncertainties later.

Although no parent wants to imagine being unable to be there for their children, taking the time to do so is one of the most important parts of making a Will—not because the worst is expected, but to ensure that, if the unexpected happens, decisions will be made by the people they would have chosen themselves.

How we can help

If you have any questions in relation to any topics raised in this article, please contact Debbie Brown or your usual Anderson Strathern contact.